Category: Dating and Relationships
So Valentien's Day approaches, yet another excuse to do as humans worldwide do: a bit of gift giving. If your lover happens to like flowers, have a favorite kind, but can't tolerate the scents anymore, I just learned they breed them all scent-free, you could say allergy-free. Anyway maybe many of you knew this, I did not.
Anyway, not saying everyone wants the flowers or something, get her a sled if she wants. Sleds are awesome! But for those who like flowers, and I are one, if they also have an allergy, now scent free is an option.
Thank you, Leo! Nothing like spoiling yourself on Valentines day. lmfao! :)
Ah no the flowers are for her, in my case, even though I also enjoy them. I like the challenge of making them last, and observe them change and open. Her favorite is tulips, but developing allergies that she has was making it impossible for her to enjoy them, until I stumbled on this discovery recently at a fancy pants market I rarely go to.
I'm single as well, and as much of a feminine guy as I am I don't think I'll be buying myself flowers either. *sarcastic grin* That is interesting though, I hadn't heard of scent-free, allergy-free ones either. I honestly know very little if anything about flowers. I just know there are ones with different names but I don't know how to distinguish one from the other.
I know almost nothing about flowers. I know the flowers are for her, Leo! And I think that's a cool discovery, well at least we didn't know that till you saw them and posted!. :)
I'm not much for flowers, to be honest. But it's a neat thing to learn--thanks for sharing, Leo.
Nobody took the sled bait.. Lol. I'd get her a sled if she wanted to ride one anymore, and if we got the kind of snow up here we used to 30 years ago.
Lol but she is amaterialistic for the most part. not just nonmaterialistic, she says she has no attachment at all to things. I got Her flowers at the beginning because everybody, gay, straight and in between, of most ideologies you could find, would say flowers were a universal goodwill at least, even those who argued against it saying that was sexist assumptions.
Then I found the colors and the types that she likes, and so occasionally I will get them. Amaterialists are a unique challenge to buy for. And I am very much the average human in that I do enjoy getting or making a gift for someone.
I love flowers.
I like the effect the cause when I send them, and I like receiving them.
I can't get women to do this often, but I love it.
Because of this, was the only reason I know about different ones.
Great post, and just on time. Smile.
I'm not into flowers, at all, and I'm also like leo's wife, in that I don't attach value to material things. still, it's interesting to hear about this.
No value at all to flowers not even the amount you pay.
Soon as you pay it, they are not worth what you paid.
It is the giving that counts, and if you can handle it, the smell of some of them inside your home or on your office desk.
Add the fact someone thought enough of you to send them to you, and the message inside the card that came with, and there is the real value. That value is not material at all, but it is worth more then money can buy.
Each time you touch, smell, or if you are visual, see your flowers sitting there, it makes you smile, and your thoughts turn warm for the person that thought enough of you to send them or bring them to you.
Wayne, I couldn't have said it any better. Thank you. I love flowers, so I'll buy myself some of those, lol! And no I'm not materialistic, but I enjoy smelling them, and having them in my room, even if I get them for myself. I enjoy giving them too. Especially mom's favorite, she loves it. And if she's happy, then I'm happier. :)
Also it is enjoyable to give flowers to someone who lives with you, because you can continue to give, as it were, by helping care for them. I know, rationally, they are already dying as soon as they are picked. But you can, with a bit of foresight and planning, make quite a few plant species last a long time. You can make your Valentine's flowers last until the first day of spring, just about, if you prepare ahead of time, and exercise a bit of forethought and diligence. I enjoy that part, to be honest.
Botanical hospice, my marine biologist brother called it once, but I still say, being a rational objectivist doesn't mean wrinkled up old prune, so.
Ironically one of my favorite comedians made fun of flowers in that sense, saying something like it's nice to buy someone something that is dying. Lol and then he went farther with it and said you could use it as a threat, being sarcastic of course. I think flowers are nice, but for some reason at least with me personally I like herbs a lot more, probably because of their stronger scent. Bassal is probably my favorite followed by rosemary. I don't mean to change the topic too much though, as I said I don't know too much about flowers other than roses supposedly being the most romantic ones.
Ah but hergs are just another kind of flowers, so. Not everyone who likes flowers has a preference for roses only. Roses were made popular by industry because they're easy to transport and not as given to spoilage or damage.
I've only been given flowers once in my life, and that still doesn't change the fact that I'm really indifferent to everything about them.
I realize I'm the odd one out, here, but I don't care to take the time to upkeep them, and I really don't enjoy smelling them. the only real advantage they have, is that, since there are numerous smokers around here, they prevent me from having to smell that nastiness.
Ah Chelsea then see if you can get an air filter, a stand-alone one I mean. Even inexpensive ones with regular cleaning will work wonders against cigarette smoke tht leaks into your home. We had that trouble and the filter did an amazing job. Remember to let it filter for a couple hours so all your air gets circulated through it, before expecting full results. You'll know it way before then, but still.
And don't buy the Sharper Image bullshit about filters with no fan: get one with a fan in it so it circulates the air properly through it. That's how your atmospheric convection works to filter the air. By way of example, Los Angeles, informally referred to as SmellA, would be totally free of smog in a few hours if all traffic stopped, because of the giant circulating fan tht is the atmospheric convection currents, and the water filter that is the pacific ocean.
So, you don't like flower, but have trouble with cigarette smoke? Get an air filter. Someone you know probably has one they aren't using and that they imagine doesn't work because they dn't know how to use it properly.
Sorry to hijack this thread, but, misconceptions and mythology hopefully expelled.
thanks, leo. I may look into that.
I know I love mine, and it's damn near 15 years old. The Sharper Image are a lot of fools, selling the shit they do with no fans. I axed one of the salespeople to 'splaine me the physics of filtering air without using convenction, since he was so hot about it not having a fan. And wouldn't ya know he axed me what was convection. Where do they get those? Someone should ship that one back.
So, I'll tell you how to make flowers last.
Again, like I said on another unrelated recent board topic, forethought, planning and preparedness go a long way to prevent disasters.
Just like I said on the other topic, understanding the biology of the situation goes a long way. So then, what is a flower, and why put it in water, and so on?
So like you learned in science in school, a plant takes in water through the roots, it goes up the veins and is evaporated through the leaves. That is, until you cut it. Properly cut flowers are cut in early morning or very late evening, since the sap is not running at the time. Otherwise they bleed out faster.
That's all before they get to the market or florist you buy from. Now, you get there and buy to take it home. Except what most people don't think about is, it's really best to buy flowers on a cool or even rainy day. Yeah yeah I know, it's sunny and springish and you wanta get her some flowers. You've done it, I've done it. Not gonna ruin them but if what you want is to make them last as long as possible, buy them early morning or twilight so you carry them outside in the best of conditions.
And actually you should have your vase ready at home before you go get them. Again, if you can, though we all do the impulse buy.
So once you get them home, do you use aspirin, soda, or what, in the water to make them last longer? The anser is yes. Either real aspirin (not Tylonol or any other substitute) crushed, or soda like 7-up, not caffeinated and not fake sugars. Add a little of that to the water. I forget the components in the aspirin, but it's the CO@ in the soda - the bubbles - that gives the flower a bit of extra life. You breathe oxygen but they don't: they use CO2.
Ah and now for the cutting: get the scissors and make nice neat straight cuts, right? Wrong. Get a knife, and cut at an angle. This way you don't open up the entire veins and bleed them out entirely. There are two reasons for cutting, both are important. First, you cut the bottom off because it has developed the plant version of a blood clot there, and it won't take on water unless you do this. Second, and equally as important, not only are you sizing the flower to match your arrangement or the vase, you want no leaves floating in the water. Fancy pants romantics think it's cute but it's a haven for fungi to destroy your flower sooner.
If it's a particularly woody stem like Queen Anne's or something, you'll know because it feels like a mini tree branch, I tend to diagonally peel around the cut end just a bit of the skin, to expose the softer inner subcortex, yeah that is actually still a bark, right before putting it in the water.
Don't be afraid to cut off the leaves that are closest to the water, romantic sensibilities aside. If you must have leaves floating in water, put the leaves in a dish of water separate from the flower. Use a knife, not scissors.
Think about this; Wild animals bite off plants all the time, and the plants grow back. They bite off in jagged edges, not straight symmetrical cuts like a pair of scissors. So a serrated knife can't hurt.
Don't keep the flowers in the sun. They're not photosynthesizing, that part is over. They have no roots so their circulatory system is pretty much shit, except for the amount of water and CO2 you add to the water. Less sugar is better, so just plain tonic water is good. Mineral water, depends on what's in it. You want the CO2, that is their air. A small amount of sugar will help sustain them.
But guaranteed, you do the above things and your flowers will outlast your neighbors'.
Now, someone said they don't know the difference. I'm not getting into too much detail, but the main types are bulbs and those with woody stems like roses.
Bulbs actually feel cool and sort of slippery on the stems. Tulips, hyacinths, iris, gladiola, daffodil, these are bulbs. The stem feels like a green onion, sort of, only fatter.
their juice when you cut it is going to come out really watery. Be really careful, I cut leaves first before making the final cut on these to put them in water, and I don't like to take bulbs out of the water to recut so just be cautious. Again you don't want them to bleed out. Even if you can hold the flowers upside down while carrying them from cutting board to water and set them in.
Not so much a problem for woody stems: they have a lot firmer cellulose and their sap is thicker so they don't bleed out so fast.
Anyway, for the curious, this is what I've found over the years.
Flowers are actually dead when you give them, but still? Lol
I never understood why it's so common to give flowers as a simbol of courtship or love, or even just a remindr that you're thinking of someone. I mean, I understand the symbolism behind them, I get that they're pretty--but why so generic? Why not give someone somethign mroe specific, something only they will really be into--something that will really show that you're attuned to their moods and likes, etc. My partner knows better than to give me flowers. lol. An ex of mine, one I've talked about on here before, only gave me flowers once--and that's just because he majorly screwed up and tried to make up for it--thought that every girl loved flowers, and that his mistake would be totally smoothed over. lol. So that was the one time I got flowers. My partner gives me unique things--he actually puts a lot of thought and time into finding something like that--not that you men who give flowers don't--I'm sure you do, actually--but my point it, I get much more enjoyment from getting something unique. Like once, we watched the show Modern Marvels on the history channe, and there was a segment about giant gummy bears...And wouldn't you knwo it--he knows I love gummy bears, so he got me the giant gummy bear that was mentioned on the show--and I got such a kick out of it because it was so silly yet so neat. Or, when he was still courting me--back in the day, hahahahahaha--he bought me an Ipod and preloaded it with stuff he thought I might like, as well as some of his favorite things, and gave it to me as a Christmas present. Stuff like taht matters more to me--the customization--rather than flowers. This isn't by any means to bash those who love giving and receiving flowers--not at all. I just thought, to shake things up a little, I'd offer an alternative view on this--since flowers are so popular with so may people.
oh...sorry for the typos. using a crappy keyboard at the moment.
Bernadetta, I completely agree. I am personally more for custom making gifts rather than flowers. I do love them, though. For example, I gave my flute teacher a miniature flute with some words engraved. This of course brought tears to someone who's never been given something so special and that required thought. I gave my new "mom" a mug with a picture of me and some words on the other side, and a greeting card with a picture of us both for mothersday. Things like those. Things that will be useful and special. I do love the thought, feel and scent of flowers very much.
Your point is well taken, Bernadetta. All I will say is, those of us who do the occasional flower giving actually do customize. Flowers are as varied as humans, and people have their likes and dislikes, and you can buy some and customize an arrangement, put a picture of her in front of it for someone who is sighted, stuff like that.
But sometimes a night out or a weekend vacation somewhere or even just taking the time to walk in the park is better. I can totally agree with that. But contrary to popular opinion flowers can be customized to someone's actual tastes. Leaving out the visual aspect, if someone likes the feel and smell of some flowers, it's probably certain kinds, and dare I say, certain combinations in the arrangements. That stuff actually does take effort, if done right. And then there's the unique container you might use for a vase. It's not all Hallmark and Walmart. Lol
Bernadetta, I wish I could hit "like" on your post. I'm glad to see that not every woman enjoys flowers, and does, dare I say, find it offensive if I receive them based on the assumption that I'm a girl, therefore I of course like them, or something similar.
and, before anyone gives me the, "it's the thought that counts," argument, I'm sorry, but if someone is gonna think of me, I'd hope they'd think of me to at least ask what I like, before getting flowers, which I absolutely won't like.
I suppose it goes back to what you were saying Chelsey, most people associate girls with flowers. I used to not be a flowers kinda girl, until I found out all the different kinds. An old lover of mine bought me a camellia, and I fell in love with the flower. I don't throw my dead flowers away, I hang them upside down in my window. I think dead flowers are as good as live flowers, mind you not all dead flowers are pretty, but roses for example are. I'd not really enjoy non scented flowers, I love inhaling the fresh smell of flowers.
If you want to preserve dead flowers do that, yes, and spray them lightly once every couple of days with hair spray, the least steinky kind you can find, in my pinion. The plastics and such in the hairspray help the dead cellulose maintain its shape.
Chelsea people worldwide do flowers for goodwill, it's not a sexist thing. But you're right, if you have made your intentions clear on that issue it would be inconsiderate for someone to get them for you. Unfortunately, here's how it would happen, though:
Your lover to his or her friends: "I want to surprise Chelsea with something. You know, not that brand new sled or MacBook pro yet, just something nice, a token of my appreciation of her. What do you think I oughta get her. I can't ask, I want it to be a surprise."
Their friend: "Just get her some flowers, you know, something kinda nice but not over the top."
That could happen at the beginning of a relationship. And like Wayne said, men get flowers too, although not all that common. probably less common in more conservative areas.
Leo, I get you can customize flowers till kingdom come, so to speak. lol. I get that. But in the end, to me, they're just flowers. Just flowers--because I guess I dont' really care about their details.
Chelsea, here, you're right. I'd say, if someone is going to get a gift for me because they're thinking of me, even in the beginning of a relationship, they'd probably know me well enough to know of some little thing that might make me smile or evoke some unique emotion of appreciation in me. Even a dumb little keychain with a funny saying on it, or a t-shirt with an inside joke--something that might cost less than a beautiful flower arrangement would impress me more... Truth is, if someone knows me well enough to date me, he won't be getting me something as generic as flowers--simply for the fact that he wouldn't ask his friends--who don't really know me like he might--for advice on a gift. I know a lot of people--especially guys--do that though.
My partner loves coming up with unique gifts on his own and despises giving flowers--so I guess, in yet another respect, we're very well suited. lol.
I do try to learn what the gorl likes and doesn't like before I give her anything.
Flowers aren't a stand in gift for me, it will be what they like.
If I dated you Writer or Chelsea, I'd know your taste before I gave you a gift so you'd not get flowers.
Most girls just like them. Then there's chocolate. Lol
You know, I wonder if either of you saw would that change your opinion?
They've got whole gardens people pay money to go see and sit in and smell the flowers.
It is hard to convey the concept though.
Have either of you ever been taken to the woods?
Yeah. I don't like the woods--they freak me out. I don't think about the beauty of it--I think, what bug or creature is going to pass by and scare the crap out of me... lol. No, I don't think this really has to do with blindness this time. Because many blind people are one with nature and love flowers--the texture of them, the scent of them--and I'm just not one of those people. I dont' think it has to do with the aesthetic side ofit. I just think I'm not necessarily a nature girl.
I can understand how some people don't prefer flowers, but I don't get how you they can be offensive. What is so offensive about someone getting you flowers? It's not like someone giving you a gift, say something like a mop and saying something like, well this is what women are good at doing/what they are meant to do, so I figured I'd get this for you so you can do something productive around the house like an ordinary woman. I feel like I might be overlooking something about how a flower can be offensive, though.
it's offensive, because, as Bernadetta and I both stated, if someone knows me well enough to be in a relationship with me, part of that equation would, and should, include knowing what my tastes are.
if my partner wanted to go out of his or her way to surprise me with something, a good way to do that would be through talking to me in a general sense, so that I wouldn't suspect what he/she was trying to do. it really isn't hard.
OkayBernadetta. That helps. I just wondered.
You did a good job explaining your perception of the woods.
I don't see offensive either. A gift is a thought, but that is my opinion.
She'll do better next time. I'll email her my wish list from Amazon. Smile.
Hmm interesting thoughts.
There are nature people who are grossly offended at cut flowers, because they think you are giving them something that is dying.
I get what Chelsea and Bernadetta are saying, if someone knows you don't like flowers and then gets you some, that isn't really a gift. That's like the infamous gifts given to men in churches, the book about how to be a better father, or how to do better spriritual devotions, or other such things. That would be offensive.
To me, though, in my case no offense is taken where none was intended. So if someone got me a gift I didn't care for, but it was genuinely a mistake, I am not going to be offended.
Now, here's something else:
I recently got Her some flowers and chocolates. I got the typical backhanded compliment from the person helping me: You are so sweet to do that, because most men don't, you know.
In other words, you're from a race of pigs, you swine, but at least you are reformed.
I pulled a Richard Dawkins: I asked her, Does that make sense to you? I mean, if so few men do this for women, why are all these flowers relatively cheap? Why did it not cost me a fortune to get her these chocolates?
She said, I never thought of that before.
It seems obvious to me, despite popular mythology / religious opinion, that most men indeed must be giving gifts of this type to women. Otherwise it would cost a lot more. And they would not be so prominently displayed in stores.
If she didn't want flowers, by the way, but wanted something else? I would gladly get that because the idea is taking joy in providing your lover with something to enjoy. The idea is giving them something they will want.
But early on, I certainly didn't know what her favorite candy was, or what it was about certain ones she didn't like. Now that I have more knowledge, I can avoid nuts in chocolate, and a few other things, and get Bavarian cream or white chocolate. And I know not only the kind of flowers she likes but the colors also.
Don't take the backhanded compliments though, guys. You're supporting religious mythology when you do. They simply cannot be accurate, by reason of some very basic economic factors.
It's pretty well wired into the makeup of humans and other primates to want to give tokens to their lover, whatever tokens those happen to be. So those of us that do are not an aberration. Those of us who don't are the odd ones out. I'm guessing flowers and fruits were probably the first ones given because they were there in the environment, and one could reliably go, select, and procure them as tokens of love, honor and appreciation.
But they aren't love or appreciation if the recipient doesn't find them so. Then, there are simply other tokens which are just as meaningful because they elicit the same types of responses: well-being, closeness and so on.
If she's like some women I know, get her a cartridge belt. And why not? You won't get the backhanded compliments at the gun counter.Lol
Leo, by "the person helping me" do you mean the florist/sales person or do you mean a friend or someone known to you who was assisting you personally rather than as an agent of the place that sold the flowers?
One f the personal shopper people walking me around. It's a relatively common response when they help a man do this. I normally mumble thanks or say some other nicety to slide by the backhanded compliment, seeing as I think most people don't even know that's what it is.
But that night I had been reading Richard Dawkins before I went out, and, well, you know how it goes: the thought patterns from the book you're reading. Plus, the girl was near my daughter's age. The nieces and daughter are all well acquainted with the question 'Does that make sense to you?' coming from ol' Leo, usually when they have some crazy outlandish drama idea or some idealistic woo.
It was a combination of factors that prompted me to, but I made me do it. lol
Religious?
When I give flowers the furthest thing from my mind is religion. Sex, but no religious thoughts at all.
Sure, a person, male, or female, should try to give something the receiver will enjoy, but sometimes you simply don't know all the receiver will like, so you might go through a few things she or he doesn't.
Like you said, you have more experience now with the person.
I guess I'm just not that uptight.
You make an effort to do something for me, it could be something I would never use, but the fact you made the effort means much to me.
Now, if you keep giving me something that makes me itch, and you know it makes me itch, well, I might have to tell you. Smile.
You think maybe that comes with time?
It seems in recent years, I think about the person and what they gave me far more than what the thing actually is. Unless it is something they are doing in a backhanded way like the book about how to be a better father. No, the Wife never gave me such a thing. That was a long time ago.
But anyway, truth be told, I often imagine their walking out to get it, picking it out, and so on. This was not deliberate, it has just gradually happened over the years.
I don't know.
I've always tried to think of the person I'm buying for, but sometimes you want to surprise them, so you buy something different you've not given, based on a recommendation, or something you think they might like, or look good wearing.
I personally don't expect a new person in my life to know my taste, even if we've spent some time together.
Flowers, you can't return, but other gifts can be given and you keep the receipts, so if that gifts is just not going to work, it can be returned.
That seems reasonable to me.
just bringing this topic back up to say that my boyfriend and I had a discussion about receiving flowers, scented or not.
we discussed it in the beginning of our relationship, and he respected me for telling him up front that I can't stand flowers.
he even said that he doesn't understand the appeal, himself, and would much rather get me things he knows I'll enjoy, than assume I'll like something, simply cause most women like whatever it is.
Well that makes sense. But you told him up front. Nobody's going to go buying a particular gift for someone if they know that person doesn't like it.